Hmmm...

WELL! this will be the end of this post :( sadly...they just stopped talking to me...which I find very, very weird. The last surrogate they worked with (who is also my good friend) said they did the same thing to her.... hopefully they find what they need/want. I am really not ok with people not responding to my texts/emails/phone calls for over 3 weeks and expect me to be ok with it. BUT! on to my next blog...which will yield better news.... :D

My new beginning...

SO! I was searching and searching for a new couple, my new beginning. I felt like I had a bit more experience then when I first started out and didn't really mind going independently. I emailed a couple and they said they still needed a surro. We talked for a while and ended up having ALOT in common. It was wonderful. We got the "business" out of the way as one of the first subjects. We ended up meeting and going out to dinner. There was never an awkward moment or silence. AT ALL. We just had so much to share and talk about. Everyone got along. We ended up meeting one more time and it was just as awesome. The 3rd meeting we went to John's Incredible Pizza and they met Leah and Alayna. They brought them little gifts, which the girls absolutely loved!

Her name is "L" and his name is "J". They are just wonderful people! I can't wait to make this happen with them! We went a few weeks ago, just her and I to her acupuncturist. Before the appointment we had lunch at a vegan restaurant. It was nice spending time with her. Getting to know someone in person means alot more then over the internet. We then had our appointment and they said I am very healthy. Besides my body making a bit more mucus then it should. Which seems weird. They gave me herbs to take and asked me to keep my feet warm and not to drink anything too cold. It was my first time getting acupuncture and I was a tiny bit frightened. L asked if I wanted her to be in the room and hold my hand...which, honestly yes I did, but she had her appointment at the same time so I didn't want to hold her up.

But, with everything so far...I think this is just wonderful and a great match. I can't wait for everything to get started! We all want to get things started as soon as possible. We are just getting into everything getting approved and working on contracts and stuff. I'm sure I will have more to tell soon!

<3

Failure is never really failure...you just move on

So, I haven't updated in a while. Things fell apart with my old couple and we stopped working together. It was kind of a hard time for everyone. Anyway, I kind of just wanted to update on THAT part... I will make a NEW blog on my next steps.... :) :)

Lost...

To be great as a surrogate, your heart has to be in it and you have to form some sort of attachment or bond. When a baby is growing, whether it be your own or a surro-babe, the baby needs to feel loved, welcomed and have positive vibes. So every time I gear up and get ready for a transfer not only is my body ready for the baby, but so is my heart. So it should be easy to see why I feel as if I have suffered a loss. There is such a fine line that you have to walk...and I fund myself giving all my love but at the same time watching my boundaries. After all, it isn't my baby. So that is also emotionally draining, figuring out what is ok to feel and what isn't...trying to weed out what's not appropriate and what IS. It hurts that I have been ready for this pregnancy and have gone through failure. In some ways it almost makes me feel inadequate. I know I shouldn't feel that way, as there was nothing I could have done. But there is still something inside and it hurts.

Can you SMELL sunshine?

Yes, that is how I feel today. I feel great. Unstoppable even. As this journey gets further and I get to know my IP's better I fall in love with them even more. They are just amazing people and I can't wait to help them bring their son into the world. My family has been so supportive and people ask me about the surrogacy all the time! I frequent the surrogacy boards and love talking to other women who are also into surrogacy. I learn alot about issues other surros have and what they go through. It's nice.

 Anyway, on to the good stuff! My IM is going in for the retrieval tomorrow and I am just so excited! I'm sure she will do just fine! I am just going to try my best to relax myself and get ready for the transfer on Monday. Disneyland tomorrow with my 5 year old. Thur I'm planning a "mommy day" and going by myself to get a pedicure and who knows what else... I will just have free time so I might just enjoy myself! Friday, probably catch up on laundry and cleaning! Sat or Sunday morning going with my mommy to get our massage.. Then Sunday we are celebrating my grandma's bday at a wonderful restaurant! Monday it's off to see their precious angel and hopefully settle him into a nice home for 9 months! :)

New Cycle!

  Well, it's been a while since I updated. It was kind of hard with the last cycle. My husband and I were on our way to the transfer and we got the phone call. None of the little embies made it :( It hurt and it really sucked. But we got through it and I tried to stay strong for my IM. The last thing she needs is me upset. I'm sure she was having a tough time with it and I only wanted to be there for her. Even though on the inside I was crying... They are such wonderful people and I am so glad we were matched together.

  So they changed up the protocol and had us start meds up again. I have been on Lupron for a few weeks now and Estradiol for a few days. It seems to be going well and I had my 3rd appointment this cycle and my lining is already at 14! So seems like we are doing good. I texted D today and she said she has to do her Lupron 2x a day. Which sucks! I feel like she shouldn't have to go through any type of pain. But, it will all be over soon and she will get rewarded at the end. I just feel like this is her special time and I want her to be as comfortable as possible. We transfer Feb 14th, my Grandma's bday and Valentine's Day! :) So it's not hard to forget! I really hope they don't change the date, but I'm sure it will.

   I know it's way too soon! But, I often wonder how things will be like when I give birth. I hope they are comfortable enough being in the room. I need my mommy there to hold my hand and be my coach and I hope that doesn't make them feel awkward or anything. Or like it's MY experience. I just hope that everything goes well... that's one of the biggest moments for a surrogate and why do I feel like I'm going to mess it up? I mean, my mom is my biggest advocate and when I'm in too much pain to make my own decisions, she is always right there. She was with me for both of my deliveries and I thank GOD she was.

  Anyway! Enough about that! I am just way too excited for this cycle and really do hope for the best! So yay for us and hope my next post will be nothing but good news! :)   <3

Egg Retrieval

GO "D"!!!! We got 4 little eggies today! Woohoo! We will find out the fertilization report tomorrow. I can't believe this...it is so exciting! Hopefully one of those little guys will make it through! I was telling my mom about it today after D texted me the great news! She is such a trooper... I am so excited!

BTW, when I say little "guy" it's because they are doing sex selection to have a boy. How amazing...it will be my very first boy pregnancy. I have heard that boy pregnancies differ from girls...but I don't really think that's true. Both of my girls pregnancies were different in MANY ways! So who knows!

I feel great with all of the support I have so far. Most of my friends are just so excited. My family is being real supportive and of course my IP's. Everything is just so wonderful it is unbelievable. This is just so amazing so far!

I had my last Lupron shot last night woo-hoo! We hardly had anything left in the bottle! We were so stressed... but I emailed our RE and they said that was fine, to do what we can and one day wouldnt hurt! Especially because my lining was so thick already. I have been feeling a little tiny tiny bit of morning sickness which is odd, but hey I am taking hormones.

We were planning on doing a 3day transer on Dec 13th but it got moved to Dec15th. A 5day transfer, since they are doing PG testing. So hopefull their little guy is a tough one and he does very well on his first ever test! :)

Not much more to update on YET, but I'm sure I will have much much more after transfer! <3 Amanda