Lost...

To be great as a surrogate, your heart has to be in it and you have to form some sort of attachment or bond. When a baby is growing, whether it be your own or a surro-babe, the baby needs to feel loved, welcomed and have positive vibes. So every time I gear up and get ready for a transfer not only is my body ready for the baby, but so is my heart. So it should be easy to see why I feel as if I have suffered a loss. There is such a fine line that you have to walk...and I fund myself giving all my love but at the same time watching my boundaries. After all, it isn't my baby. So that is also emotionally draining, figuring out what is ok to feel and what isn't...trying to weed out what's not appropriate and what IS. It hurts that I have been ready for this pregnancy and have gone through failure. In some ways it almost makes me feel inadequate. I know I shouldn't feel that way, as there was nothing I could have done. But there is still something inside and it hurts.